Retaining that Love Even After Decades of Marriage

By Winona Fajardo

Being newly married truly is one of the most wonderful times in your life. The bond between you and your partner strengthens as you go a trip down memory lane and realise everything you have overcome together. Then suddenly looking forward to all the adventures you will share with your partner for the rest of your life. You really can’t imagine a life without that person. But, 10 years from now will it still be the same? Ever wonder about how many people file for divorce each year, forgetting the vows they have made for each other? Before and after your wedding may not be the best times to think of those problems. Even so, it’s better to be prepared now. Your future self will thank you.

Write love notes

You can do this pre-marriage or post-marriage or even both! It’s totally up to you. Write any message you want your partner to know whether it be something that you love about them, the things you want to do with them, the little things you notice in them. Anything that makes you love them more every day. Write those in individual pieces of paper, put it in a jar then store it. After this, whenever you go into a fight with each other, read some of the notes you have written. This is to remind you why you both love each other in the first place. As corny as it may sound, that might be the lifesaver that will pull you back up from a sinking relationship.

Display your vow

Don’t just store the vows you have written for each other in a place that you will forget after a few years of marriage. Put it inside a frame and hang or place it somewhere that you can often see it. This way, you will be reminded of the promises you two have made and encourage you to continue fulfilling those vows even when the sparks start to die.

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Rewrite your vows

If you have gone sick of reading the vows you have displayed and it merely turns into plain words without the deep meaning in it, rewrite your vows to each other. They say that people change and perhaps you want to make more promises to your partner or you have discovered more things and want to make adjustments to your relationship. Rewriting your vows will surely rekindle that love and continue to strengthen the bond between you two.

Take a time off

Just because you’re married does not mean that you cannot have a time off for yourself. Plan a trip or vacation just for you and ask your partner to do the same. You can do something as simple as going to a hotel and staying there for a few days; discover what the place has to offer. Or you can do something grand like having a cruise trip with your friends. Pick anything that you know you will love and simply relax. Being away from your partner does not mean that you’re selfish or disloyal. Allow yourself to miss each other so when you finally reunite, the love will reignite.

Have time for just the two of you

After that ‘me’ time while being away from each other, plan something that only involves the two of you. Again, you can do a simple out of town trip or something fun and adventurous like hiking. The stress of everyday life can have a strenuous effect on marriage and sometimes, you don’t realise that work and responsibilities are taking its toll thus weakening your relationship. You won’t know that all you need is a short break from the stressful reality until you’ve done it. You will realise that escaping from reality even for just a few days is the key to focusing on loving your partner again. So, go and plan that vacation because you both deserve it.

Do what you used to do when you were just new in your relationship

Sometimes, the key to feeling the romance again is by reliving the memories and not just reminiscing it. Think of all your first experiences with you partner and try to do it again. Have a date where you first met each other, visit the place where you first kissed, eat the food you first had together or go to the place where you first confessed your love for each other. When you go to the places where you used to often hangout, try to do the things that you used to do even if it’s something as silly as playing in the playground. As long as it holds your memories and makes you remember why you love your partner in the first place, don’t hesitate to do it.

Learn new things together

Life gets boring when you stop discovering new things especially when you have the same routine every day. It may eventually become unbearable, and it can affect the relationship you have with your partner. All the more when your marriage life is part of the same old boring routine. This is why it’s important to continue learning and discovering things together. Never be afraid of change. If you see something that interests you then go for it, and try to engage your partner into doing it with you. Doing things together can keep your relationship stronger. What makes it more fun is when you suddenly discover something new in your partner. It's when you think you already know everything about him or her then this new side of them shows up. If you have no interest in the new-found hobby of your partner then at least show that you support them. The only time both of you should stop discovering new things together is the time when death finally parts you.

Don’t stop creating memories

Along with continuing to discover what the world has in store, you should also continue to make memories. Always find something that excites you, that you know will be remembered even by your grandchildren. Something that will be told by your own children to your grandchildren and to their own grandchildren many years later. The memories will be worth it when you see that beach in town, and a smile forms on your lips because you and your partner used to sneak out to have a night swim. It will be worth it when you smell a certain food then remember how you both struggled to make it but ended up having fun doing so anyway. And, those memories will be worth it when your children and grandchildren remember the things you have done together and hope that one day, they will be creating happy memories of their own with their loved ones too.